I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
