tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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