Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
