he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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