All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
