No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
