I must be too annoying 4 u.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
