made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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