Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am mentally ready for anal.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
