a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he just fucked me for my cheese..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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