Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dicks are not precious.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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