For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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