guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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