How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
