Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
