ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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