keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
