Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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