she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
