haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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