theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
