Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
