i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
