Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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