i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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