just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
