THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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