I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
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they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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