Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
