Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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