Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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