He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
