My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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