I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just invented taco cereal.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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