This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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