After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
