I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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