Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Yo dont text me then not text me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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