I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
