So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
