Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
