I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Randomize
