happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
