i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
