like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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