I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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