How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i think my cat just said my name.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
