True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The ass gains better be worth it
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