I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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