he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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