Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
