it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
