I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
