Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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