My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
