i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
