My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
