I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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