My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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