I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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