he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Everything about him screamed your future.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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