Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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