I love watching others lives come down to our level.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
