i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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