I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
